The seven George Carlin jokes you CAN tell on the internet!


George Carlin
was an absolute genius, and the comedic world will no doubt suffer in his absence.

I wanted to post a tribute to him, but found myself short on clips that were appropriate to share with a broad audience. (I do try to keep this place in the PG-13 range after all.) Thankfully the Daily News has saved the day. The following jokes are taken from an article they ran today showcasing some of Carlin’s “G-rated” humor.

  • Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
  • The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
  • In America, anyone can become President. That’s the problem.
  • Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
  • If the “black box” flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
  • What was the best thing before sliced bread?
  • I’m completely in favor of the separation of church and state. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
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4 thoughts on “The seven George Carlin jokes you CAN tell on the internet!

  1. carlin either offended me w/ his virulent anti-christian (though, at times his opinions seemed understandable) rants, or made me nearly mess my pants from hilarity. my own personal view of God’s grace & mercy is that it knows no bounds, so, perhaps george is having a laugh with God right now, who probably met him with the words “hey george, see, i’m REAL!” 🙂

  2. Just saw this little Carlin bit comparing baseball to football. I got a kick.

    In football the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy’s defensive line.

    In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe!

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